I am not the best daughter, the best friend, the best speaker, the best writer, the popular one, the one that everyone loves and adores. I have struggled because I have lived a life to be the best for people and have always failed because the best that they were expecting was not me at all but a glimpse of who they wanted to be. Therefore, when I did not fit to their paradigm of the best or the best of who they wanted me to be, they rejected me and this left me feeling empty, confused and with no sense of value. Who they wanted me to be was not me, was not the best of who I was really meant to be. It was not until I turned to my creator, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ that I began to feel a sense of purpose. For the living word of God says that,
For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him.
He made me and created me for a purpose. It was like scales being removed from my eyes and I could finally see that my purpose was not to fit the mold of people’s perception of the best of me but that I was created to live out my purpose and the best of me for Jesus Christ and him alone. He is my GOD and has never abandoned me or rejected me when I have made mistakes and not fit into his expectations, instead he helps me, walks with me and teaches me to the best for HIM, the best he created me to be before I even existed. It is not about me anymore but what I am through him who loved and cared for me when everyone else abandoned and rejected me for not being the best and fitting into their mold. He knows me more than anyone, before the foundations of the earth, he saw me. And after I rejected him and put him to the side and went my own way to fulfill my desire and fulfilling the desires of others, pleasing others to please myself through their acceptance to only then be rejected over and over. He still called me by my name and loved me so much. He let me know that HE died for my failures, my sin that was killing me so that I can be the best for him and through him.
God is perfect and he created me fearfully and wonderfully, in his image of perfection and until I reach there I will never be satisfied with less or fulfilling people’s expectations of what they think should be the best of me. At this time, right now, I may not be the best version of what God created me to be, but I hold on to this, that I know for sure is that I am headed there and just knowing that God is with me and will never leave me or forsake me on this journey to the best of what he created me to be gives me great delight.
Psalm 139: 13-16
You made my whole being;
you formed me in my mother’s body.
I praise you because you made me in an amazing and wonderful way.
What you have done is wonderful.
I know this very well.
You saw my bones being formed
as I took shape in my mother’s body.
When I was put together there,
you saw my body as it was formed.
All the days planned for me
were written in your book
before I was one day old.
Lord God I pray that your will be done in my life. That I may live a life for you and only you. To be the best of me through you who created me to be. Thank you Lord for your word, for your wisdom. Continue to strengthen me in Jesus name, Amen!!!